The phrase “Do not fear “is written over and above 365 times in the Bible. Don’t mind me; I didn’t go counting how many times “Do not fear” was written in the Bible. I am way too busy living my broke and joyful student life. Because chile ain’t anything happy about being broke. So I am joyful. If anything, those words were written on a video I long downloaded on Instagram. And have saved it since then. Am I the only person who creates folders on my devices where I dump all my “get up, you got this” content? Just so I can refer to it on days I feel defeated by life? Well as weird as it may sound I do, and it has since been very helpful for my functionality on the “get up, you got this” days.
I think it’s very similar to jotting down all the Bible verses that speak to your Spirit on good days. Because problems are inevitable in this world, I pray I grasp and hold on to the memories of the days when the Lord put a smile on my face and I was once happy. Even though it’s for a moment. Because as much as darkness exists light also does. But in today’s post, I want us to talk about why you should never let fear lead you. Pastor Stephanie Ike once mentioned that when you let fear lead you, you stop recognising that the things you are most confident about are rooted in fear. Yes, I know I talk about Pastor Stephanie Ike a lot, but hey I can’t help but notice God’s glory in her. I really thank God for her life.
So in 2019 when almost everyone around my circle was enrolling and registering for a high educational qualification. This girl – Jane, decided she will not be doing that “laughs”. Because 1, she had not concluded as to what career path she wished to take and 2nd because she felt she was not ready for the drastic change in her life. My mother thought I was crazy. Woman did not understand, although she never said it. I could just tell by the questions she asked and acted. But like many of my deep conversations, I knew that if I wanted her to see things from my point of view I had to write her a letter. Because my confident self cannot audibly express herself in conversations. Five seconds into the whole thing, I would most probably be crying “laughs”. Awks I know.
It’s part of who I am and something I am making peace with. I will most probably use the method Trevor Noah and his mom used to communicate when things got heated during arguments. If you haven’t read Trevor Noah’s book “Born a crime” you should. It’s amazing. Fortunately, I got a job during my gap year, and it’s actually two jobs, but that’s a story for another day. A very interesting story as a matter of fact. Of cause I had planned to enrol at university the next year – 2020. And I had planned out everything. Or so I thought. Waisti Bra God! I wanted to go Wits. Don’t ask me why, I also don’t know.
It was the first university I ever visited during my high school years, and I instantly fell in love. And it doesn’t hurt that it is one of the most recognised universities not only in South Africa but the world chile “laughs”. I really need to get over this obsession I have with influencer’s language. We all adore status. When higher education application season came by, the first university I applied to was Wits. I had planned out everything; I knew what was expected of me. This includes the application fee amount, the residence fee amount, NBT. The works chile. I knew it all well. And I did everything that was expected of me.
My first choice of degree was BNursCur and my second choice was BeD intermediate phase (because during my second year I worked as an aftercare teacher and although kids are annoying, I really enjoyed working as a teacher). And mind you, I didn’t qualify for these degrees I overqualified for both these degrees. I swear if I was brave enough to migrate and study in other countries, I could be studying to be a medical doctor. This was in the bag. I had zero doubt I was in. Or so I thought. You know I thank and blame God. Because even though I was still battling with my then addiction, hunny somehow in 2019 I was praying for God’s will to come to pass in my life. And guys did it not come to pass!
One of the most painful things about praying for God’s will is that we think and believe God will bend towards our desires. And that’s not always the case. That sentence reminds me of a picture I saw on Instagram “laughs”. Here’s the thing, you might pray for a diamond and God will instead give you charcoal. But you can pray for just 1 piece of diamond and God will give you a whole sack of diamonds. What I am trying to say is God will not always give you what you think you deserve. It is child belief to believe God will give you anything you think you need just because you prayed for it. Unrealistic chile. Wow. Wabona that Guy, He will gracefully break you piece by piece. After applying I patiently waited for my “positive” responses.
One thing about me, I am very confident in my abilities shame. For me, the most painful thing I have ever had to read was the following words, “We regret to inform you”. Iyoo! I felt my own heart break. Mjolo has nothing compared to that pain. And you know what the worst part was; I was still at work when I received that letter. As shuttered as I was, I had to soldier on until the rest of the day. I remember showing Sir JJ the letter and somehow I knew he understood. Like what the hell Wits, I did everything and overqualified for that degree. Mxm. It was painful. It was heartbreaking, and like most moments in my life, I felt rejected.
Not because I was rejected but just rejected. Ever reached a point in your life where you start feeling rejected by life. In such a way that you have to settle for the next great thing, that why is it that I can’t get everything I initially want? That was me. And it’s me sometimes. Like that was not enough all the other universities that I applied to for Nursing most precisely I was waitlisted. I think it’s even more painful when you start developing the “but I performed way better than them, but she’s in for the same degree” attitude. You don’t wanna be that person. It’s toxic for you. But then you fall, you scream a bit you and you make peace with what God has in store for you.
Then the 6th of January came by and I registered with the University of Venda. And you know what’s weird, Univen is the last university I applied to. Of course after receiving my rejection letter. And it was a referral from my mother. Crazy hey, and here I am. But it was in the middle of 2020, I started realising how necessary my sudden reroute in careers was. Because I remember how much I wanted to part ways with my then addiction but I was failing. If it wasn’t for God influencing my prayers in such a way that my will aligned with His, I am pretty sure I would still be hooked to this day. I will most probably tell my grandbabies if it is God’s will of how grateful I was to meet Mikateko Marima hey.
I doubt she’s even gonna read this because msadi would never read anything this long to even save her life. Alignment is so important. Try to always pray for alignment in the people you meet and the content you consume. Everything about you. I think one of the reasons God reroute me was the lack of purpose in the career – Nursing I initially wanted. The thought of working with badly wounded or very sick people doesn’t seem like a great idea thinking about it now. And the night shift. Hayi! Don’t come for my sleep iyoo. But hey the uniform is dope hey. I mean the really nice uniform.
And I had this notion that being in the medical field would guarantee me employment. No one wants to graduate and be jobless hey. I was led by fear and along the way, I forgot how much this career was a human career. I would most probably be working with people and not just people sick people. Wabona Modimo, He knows what you need more than you think you do. Thank you for reading this long piece. I hope you thoroughly enjoyed it. And do not ever let fear lead you because fear creates comfort. With comfort, you stop living. And you are always welcome to change your mind about anything. Until next time, Jeso Krieste ke Morena. Adios.